Mr Darlington I presume ???

Great deluge of 2012 - Fazeley flesh-pots -'Tits' Magee - Mr Darlington I presume? - Tankards of Beer - Moon River - Great Cheese football crash of 2008 -Yes, we have no egrets.

Having lived through the great deluge of 2012. I now take every opportunity to do a little relaxing in the sunshine.

Perhaps a glass of wine and a good book, as I settle into the folding chair beside the boat.........

I had been re-reading Terry Darlington's 'Narrow Dog to Indian River' and was enjoying the description of his alter-ego character 'Tits Magee'

Sometimes I become so engrossed with a book that it suspends reality and I find it is good practice to occasionally look up from the page, if only to focus on guiding the wine-glass to your lips.

I was surprised to see 'Tits Magee' materialize on the back of boat and slowly drift past. This was a worrying development as obviously the combined effects of sun and wine were releasing my grip on reality.

Well bless my soul.......it was, it really was, the great adventurer himself Mr Terry Darlington alias 'Tits' Magee who for some reason was without his crimson suit (read the book)

"What a coincidence, I am just reading Indian River"  as I waved the book in greeting....

"Persevere with it - it gets better" suggested Terry. 

As Monica Darlington jumped off with the bow rope and Terry threw me the centre rope, I was soon surrounded by the whole team including whippets Jim and Jess who had materialized minutes earlier because they can project into the future ( read the books)

Monica and Terry Darlington                 Chris Hill  Copyright.

Terry and Monica had been on tour promoting the 'Narrowdog' trilogy and had travelled that very day from the great sprawling metropolis of Fazeley and had succumbed to the many attractions including the Indian Restaurant and Tesco Express store. They looked a little tired, which is not surprising after their hedonistic sojourn in the canal town that is Fazeley.   

Terry very kindly invited us for a few drinks a little later in the day, after they had rested from their travails.

We duly arrived bearing additional alcoholic libations. This was an honour indeed as I sipped my way though Terry's beer supplies in a pewter tankard he reserves for guests. Perhaps drunken guests are prone to drop glasses as I noticed the pewter had a few dents. This was a very sound idea as I made a mental note to buy a tankard, as even I have been known to drop the odd glass.

Supping beer from the tankard and scoffing the olives, I noticed the marked absence of the rare cheese footballs
 ( read the books) .......

These have been responsible for the collapse of all major economies since the publication of their rarity in 2008 by 'Indian River' - I prophesy that when the green shoots of Cheese-football production appear again - all will be well with the world.

Jim was not in the mood to sing 'Moon River' for us ( read the books) and I sensed that Jess could not remember the words, (neither could I)  so she had her ears stroked instead.

Chatting with Terry and Monica was an unforeseen delight.
'This was the Turtle not the mock'  as Terry is given to say.....

Terry is famous for his brilliant sense of written humour but
read a little deeper and you begin to appreciate the sheer guts and bravery of both Monica and Terry in completing their challenging adventures.  They obviously considered the risks and took an informed stab at the challenge - but like all true adventurers they won through by planning and 
pure honest guts...... a rare thing nowadays........oh, yes my dear reader, Terry and Monica Darlington are without doubt the Turtle - not the mock.

Monica and Terry Darlington with Jim and Jess.  Fradley Junction.             Chris Hill Copyright

If you have been continuous cruising on the Martian canals
Terry's books are :

'Narrowdog to Carcassonne'
'Narrowdog to Indian River'
'Narrowdog to Wigan Pier'

Buy them to ensure that 'Phyllis May II' never runs out diesel and Terry never runs out of beer

.......................you will have no egrets.  

Another tight spot for our hero - Terry Darlington on the Trent and Mersey.

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Why cruise the canals .....?

Every wondered why people cruise the canals ???

I cannot speak for others, but these are just a few of my own reasons........

Most canals exist in a gentle time-warp - more than two hundred years away from the stresses of modern life such as traffic jams. Occasionally, very occasionally, a motorway will pass overhead. This noisy interruption into your tranquility is of another time and can be mostly ignored as you notice car-drivers catching a glimpse of you and it is easy to imagine a glint of envy in their eyes for a slower pace as they hurtle past.

Watching a never-ending panorama of  some of the most beautiful scenery in the world slowly unfold.

Feeling the sun on your face - it makes you feel alive.

Feeling the rain on your face - it makes you feel alive, wishing for the sun!!

Feeling the wind as it blows your boat sideways - stops you dozing off !!!!

Friendly waves and greetings from boaters, cyclists, and walkers.

Still saying 'hello' to the few others who as yet have not grasped the concept of being friendly to strangers.

Chatting at locks as boaters help each other. You can learn a lot about the more attractive side of human nature.

Chatting with 'Gongoozlers' (people watching) or tourists of all nationalities satisfying their curiosity at locks, etc......

"Do you live on it??????"
"How far can you go??????"
"Where are you from????"

You might have heard the question before, but a friendly answer makes the world go around.

Finding a mooring at the end of the day - just near a pub  in our case - but not TOO near!!!!!!

Occasionally finding a mooring not too far from shops.

Having a 'day-off' from cruising and spending some time sat in the sun on the canal-bank. Sipping a glass or two of whatever takes your fancy improves this suggestion.

Walking your dog (or just yourself if you're not fond of animals) in the tranquility of an early morning as the light starts to gather pace. Even better if the sun is shining over the edge of the fields

Walking your dog (ditto above, if no dog) in the late evening as the sun sets, especially during those long day-light evenings of June.

Finding a place where your Satellite dish/TV aerial cannot find a signal and settling back to read a book and listen to some music....I can do this and drink a glass of wine at the same time. You have to multi-task to be a success in this boating lark!!

Why do I not just turn off the TV ? and listen to music?   It must be remembered  that I am a very junior officer on this boat and consequently not allowed to make executive decisions of this importance.

Going to places most people have never heard of.

Going to places everybody has heard of but catching that unique view from the canal or river that cannot be seen except from a boat.......most of the Thames is like this for example.

Giving up canal travel occasionally and braving the rivers for a change.......
Thames, Trent, Severn, Avon, etc, all have their difficulties and challenges, but it helps you keep sharp.

Looking forward to planning another cruise route.

Completing the cruise and safely stowing away your treasure chest of memories for another time.........

Early morning sun......Staffs and Worcester canal.                     Copyright  Chris Hill

Try it someday.......... :) 
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Stratford-on-Avon canal.......... back up t'north.

Regretfully leaving the home town of the aforementioned Mr William Shakespeare and the historic delights of Stratford-upon-Avon we re-joined the canal system and headed northwards towards the Grand Union on the Stratford-on-Avon canal.

Leaving Stratford basin we had been warned about some very low bridges - they were right!!!!!   Chimney and Satellite dish were taken down, but we decided to leave the flowers where they were, surely they cannot be THAT low.....oh, yes they were!!!!!!!    Poor flowers were squashed back to their troughs, but thankfully they all sprang back in defiance and original glory after we had passed through.

Stratford-on-Avon canal is heavily locked with some 35 locks on the thirteen miles before we could leave to join the Grand Union at Kingswood.   One of the first locks out of Stratford had been show-horned next to a bridge and the lock-beam bent in a 'V' shape because of the lack of room making it very difficult to move.  A lot of gasps and cusses from Denise and eventually 
"Bloody impossible, it will NOT move !!!!!!" 
So I started for the wall ladder to climb out of the lock.
"Leave it ......thanks, I have managed it !!" she gasped 

Next few locks were not quite so bad, but awkward just the same - more than awkward even a little spiteful perhaps with the rear gate springing opening again as you walk to  the front ones, but that's locks for you. Perhaps I take them a little too personally......
"Infamy, Infamy !.. they all have it in for me !"  as the corny  gag used to go in the old 'Carry On' film series.........

We had been told of a Tesco supermarket near the next lock........

"Not too far really, about five minutes walk" proclaimed our informant.

Why do people say things like that??  I seemed to walk for miles with the 'Granny' shopping trolley which I hate with a passion, because it is spiteful just like the locks and has a habit of turning upside down when being dragged full of shopping.

Shopping trip completed, it was time to do a few more locks as we reached the Wilmcote flight with a total of eleven to grapple with.   Blue shirt and life-jackets could be seen at the first lock - a volunteer lock-keeper.  Nice one Canal & River Trust !!!!!

Volunteer lock-keepers on the Wilmcote lock flight. Stratford-on-Avon canal

In fact there were TWO volunteer lock-keepers and they were very welcome indeed, as this made the work just that bit easier. These are friendly guys who give up their time to help people up and down the locks during the busy holiday period. Like most boaters we don,t take their help for granted and take our fair share of the work. It is a worrying development we were told that with the introduction of volunteer lock-keepers one or two boat crews just leave everything to the volunteers!!!!  That is NOT the idea - they are there to help, not to do everything for you.

After completing the Wilmcote flight we had a relaxing few miles before crossing the impressive iron-trough Edstone aqueduct.  As the day was growing older we decided to moor for the night near the wonderfully named village of Wootton Wawen. A few more old English names floated by the following morning - Preston Bagot and Lowsonford for example.

Crossing the Edstone aqueduct. Stratford-on-Avon canal

Iron trough of the Edstone aqueduct .  Stratford-on-Avon canal

Lowsonford had a canal-side pub called the Fleur-de-Lys, so we decided not to float by, as there was a handy water point for the boat and a beer point for us. What more can you want out of life ??   The 'Fleur-de-Lys' was apparently famous for selling home-made pies many years ago with people queuing out of the door to buy.  How things change.

Access bridges on this canal were certainly designed to keep the boat steerer's attention from wandering. They were made just a fraction wider than the boat and you really have concentrate as you shoe-horn the boat through. I think the bridge architect all those years ago had a wicked sense of humour and decided he would keep the boat crews on their toes. I am sure a couple of inches wider would not have compromised the structural strength !!

They were also designed with 'slots' in the bridge to throw the rope through .......

Never mind the quality feel the width..... tight squeeze through these access bridges on the Stratford-on-Avon canal.

Preston Bagot lock cottage. One of several superb eccentrically designed lock-keeper's cottages on the Stratfor-on-Avon canal.  All lovingly looked after in private ownership now, with this being one of the best.

Following morning brought yet another spiteful lock. Denise had decided to drive the boat on this stretch of canal - I wonder why?   This horror (lock not Denise) was sulking menacingly in the shadow of the M40 motorway. I opened the lock-gate - boat went in - could I close it????  No!!!!!!!

Huffed and puffed, strained until I nearly had a double hernia. This lady was not for closing. 

Just like the 5th Cavalry a guy walking his dog came to help.......

"Been like this for years...they should do something. It is impossible to do on your own" He stated in a knowledgeable way borne out of helping others with this awkward gate.

I gasped my heartfelt thanks....and, yes do something Canal and River Trust before somebody really has a groin strain or heart attack trying to close the bl**** thing !!!!!!!!!!!!

A few more locks brought us to the end of our journey on the Stratford-on-Avon canal and our exit point through the Lapworth 'Link' onto the Grand Union canal heading north towards Birmingham.